ME: Hello! Do you live here? I’m your new neighbor Susan.
NEIGHBOR: Yeah, I live here when I live here, but I’m never here.
ME: I heard you were at the beach. Sounds nice.
NEIGHBOR: You have a lot going on. Painting. Not the colors I would have chosen.
ME: Oh. Well. The painters are really great.
NEIGHBOR: I don’t understand anything they say.
ME: Uh-huh.
NEIGHBOR: I told them they had to do something about this tree in your front yard. It’s growing into the wall, and the wall is going to fall down.
ME: Well, like I said, they’re painters, so they aren’t really doing anything about trees, but I’ll look into it.
NEIGHBOR: The wall is going to fall down. It’s your wall.
ME: Right.
NEIGHBOR: You buy this place with all cash or you take out a loan?
ME: Sorry?
NEIGHBOR: Did you pay cash for the house or take out a loan?
ME: Isn’t that kind of a personal question?
NEIGHBOR: No. Your grass is all messed up in the front yard.
ME: Yes, I haven’t really gotten around to that yet.
NEIGHBOR: People who lived here before were Albanian. From Albania. I couldn’t understand them either.
ME: Well, it’s been really great to meet you. I should probably get back to things.
Susan Harlan
