Artvehicle 54 — Editorial

Now I blame the Tories. The sneaky, stealthy, don't-miss-an-opportunity Conservative Government (with its embarrassing Lib-Dem appendix). While Labour were flailing around like a kid in a blindfold the Tories tiptoed in and stole their sweets.

Some time ago, Tony acquired GREED for Labour as one of its 'new' values but now, in some kind of a trade-off, they have managed to lose BEING NICE TO EACH OTHER by leaving it on a seat somewhere. Honestly it's exasperating; whatever will they give up next? Workers Unite? Red?

So now Dave's got it, and he's modernised it. Repackaged it as six luxury apartments and a retail space. Chewed it up a bit, given it a sans serif font and spat it back into our faces as The Big Society.

Now, given that the basic premise of politics is that the Conservatives make rich people richer and Labour help poor people, the advantages of this trade off for Dave are multiple:

Dave asks the public to take responsibility for helping the infirm across the roads. Help one another. You see a blind man, help him, do it for Dave. We are all one big family: you, the blind guy and the tosser thrashing around the disappointingly un-extended congestion zone in a bloated black Porsche 4X4.

Then we'll see a slow phasing out of all the zebra crossings over the next week or two to stop pedestrians clogging up the tarmac and put them back on the pavement where they belong. Now if Aunty Ethel gets sheared off at the knees by a banker in a Ferrari then it's your bloody fault.

Another example: all those books you bought you pretentious fraud. Lend them to poor people that want to read them. Who are you to stand in the way of someone that wants to better themselves? There's no way they'll ever be going to university. We can call it The People's Library.

Best of all: The Tory cause of the promotion of selfishness receives a backhanded boost. Normally-good people are now paranoid of doing nice things in public in case they appear pro-Tory. While the new government is encouraging overt, in-yer-face, brash gift-giving and philanthropy, thus alleviating the state of its responsibility, there is a backlash on the street. Joe Public is demonstrating its dissatisfaction with the state of the nation with random acts of rudeness.

And that is why, when I was sitting in the Chisenhale last month watching the excellent film In Free Fall by Hito Steyerl, Some artlover wandered in and, rather than being viewed as pro-Tory and courteously going to the side or the back, placed his large, pink 'no to the cuts' placard of a head slap in the middle of the front row. Take that Dave. Yes I blame the Conservatives, and possibly the Swiss.

Adrian Lee